Is it not late July? Can this be? Has not Fantasy Baseball enjoyed its onset only last month? Not so, my fair reader. Forsooth, we are finishing our 4th month of 6! Thou must consider how thou mightiest maximize the remaining time to thine full benefit. Indeed, is this not a cardinal rule in life?
My fair reader, here are the players who hath experienced achievement-challenged first halves who are guaranteed success in ye olde second half.
Jason Kipnis: Hath he not become hot? Surely he is too fine a batsman to languish in the hitting depths. He shall surely finish strong. Begin the counting of thine home runs and bases taken outside the law.
Alex Rios: Perhaps ye say “but verily he hath prospered till now. How can it come about that he be upon this list?” Yet methinks he hath a mere 4 home runs. And whilst his average as a batsman is high, hath he achieved power in his service to your team? Not so. But my fair reader, rest assured. He shall yet deliver 10 home runs to thine accomplishments.
Matt Cain: Would that it were true! Yet have I listed his name as a jest. The fine young man from Alabama hath thrown too many pitches thwarting batsmen over the last four annual passings. Forsooth! He hath a life-challenged arm.
Bruce Harper: Stinketh he to this extent? No. He doeth not. Yet surely he would prosper via ye olde feet-first slide. But verily, he hath an ego which is considered of mammoth proportions. Should he stay healthy, he will indeed act in mammoth proportions as thine batsman through yon September for thee.
Matt Holiday: Yeoman Matt is successful as a batsman 30 times out of 100 times yearly. This fact is not in dispute. Yet he hath success of only 25 times in a 100 this year of our Lord. Surely that shall change. Batsman Matt shall lift his rate to a yearly 28 of 100 by the end. Methinks he shall be a .320 batsman the remainder of this season. Verily, he hath also 9 homeruns yet to come.
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